dinsdag 28 januari 2014

Baptism of Holy Spirit .... yes that happens; also in this endtimes!

Baptism of the Holy Spirit .... yes that happens; also in this endtimes!
In the days following the Heart Cry Conference in Autumn 2008 snatches of a song were coming back into my mind, but I didn't know the song.
I called to find out and got one on the line who had ended the conference with that song.
"Which song was the closing song of the conference?"
"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine', a song from Johannes de Heer. 
"Thank you". It was right.

How could I listen that song?
Suddenly I remembered that I previously had bought a couple of CD's.
I take them from my car and put one of them in the CD player in the room.
When the first notes of the piano flooded into the room, something overpowering happened. 
Suddenly waves of divine love flows into my heart.

I didn't know what happened to me, but it flowed and flowed.
At a certain moment I was walking in the middle of the night laps in the living room and sang and sang: 'Heir of salvation, purchase of God. Born by His Spirit and washed in His Blood'.
It flowed and flowed, because of the love for and from Jesus. I was from Him and so I became an overflowing cup .... and it did not stop.

The whole night this went besides short intervals. The next day in the morning I had an appointment somewhere else. With great effort I pushed that entirely new, that gushing I had never experienced, to the background. When I arrived in the afternoon back home the abundance returned. It started again to 'rustle and burning' from divine love from Jesus flowing from above. After some days the flow lessened slowly.

The following was preceded.
When Jesus came into my life ......
I became alive from the sleep of death...
By the birth from above I became a new creation...
I was saved by grace through faith ... and
I turned from the world to God...
Then a deep longing became in my heart to live according His will, to keep His commandments and to bring His Gospel to my neighbors.

So that started after my conversion on my 56th. The indwelling Holy Spirit began to work out Christ in my life, step by step, little by little. There was a partnership developing between my mind and the Holy Spirit. 'After The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God'. There also started a deep cleansing process and He introduced me to yet unconfessed sins. He did point out sinful behavior that could not stand for His face. He convinced me that I couldn't stay in certain things. Clearance should held. In a silent way, sometimes remarkable, was Christ through the Holy Spirit having His way in my life and laid hold on me. 

The months prior to the conference it was getting dark in my spiritual life. Not because of sin, but it happened to me as a sort of inevitable process. Circulars of Reverend Hegger (a converted priest and already with the Lord) often were in the middle of the night an oasis of rest. Perhaps it was because I witnessed shortly before the conference a funeral of a distant cousin. The memorial service was chill and cold. The preacher talked just about 'ways of God's people' and their experiences (as a model). For the hundreds of people present, many of them who don't know God, this was a totally incomprehensible message. For believers the message was extremely desolate.

Nothing about the reciprocity of the divine love that has been poured out in the new live by the Holy Spirit after coming to saving faith. All very 'one-sided' and 'it should be given to you' (waiting passivity instead of abiding in trust). That gave a bleak and bewildering feeling that lingered in the weeks after the funeral. In one way or another way it was whether there was hung a coat over my burning lantern. Of course the light never goes out in me but the rays can darken by casting and unrecognized doubts.

I couldn't name it but I became desolate and sad. Also because my roots are in that denomination and in their old spiritual meetings with children of God. Thirsting after righteousness as mentioned in Psalm 42, I went to the conference. Longing for a new encouragement, a new touch of Him Who had saved my soul, Who gave my eternal life and locked the eternal death forever.

That Saturday-evening, Pastor Maritz held a sermon on John 7 verse 37 and 38: 'If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink'. He preached very insinuating, not only for those whom Jesus had not yet found, but also for those who already believed in Him but weren't yet fully filled with the Holy Spirit like John states: 'He that believeth on Me, as the Scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water'. About life in the fullness of the Spirit, to break with sin that are still present in the life and were still unconfessed. Jesus had the right to any room in the heart because the full price was paid. 'Come and get the full streams of living water' was the core of his invitation.

I had no secrets or had to break with secret sins. During that Saturday night however it became increasingly clear to me that there was something I was not aware of. The urge increased to know this. My heart was softened and aided by testimonials I searched myself without finding it. After the teaching of Pastor Maritz, Arjan Baan came on stage with a bunch of keys and went identify it as examples of hidden and still closed chambers in the heart. I felt that there was a room in my heart that I had not yet opened for Jesus. I was bought by the price of Jesus blood and still there were some rooms where apparently Jesus had not been.

Now a deep sadness came in my life in 1993. One of my children had become severely multiple handicapped by a very serious accident. In the following years I lived in secret rebellion against God because I thought He had at least allowed that accident. The best description of that state of my heart is giving by the word 'murmur'. Many why's, even standed up with my fist against God. 'Why was my child, I loved so much, yet so destroyed and had became a human wreck?'

So hardhearted I argued in my heart and blamed Him therefore (I write this with deep shame). For years I went without anyone knowing with inner disgust and aversion to my son who lived in a healthcare home. I continued to struggle with the question whether God had not been the cause of this deep grief. However, it all changed when I came to faith in 2007. Then it was as if the 'sting' was pulled out, the sharpness disappeared. It was as if soothing ointment was poured between the abrasive cross on my back. I could share it now with the Lord but still I could not bear it inwardly that my son lived in a home for disabled people. 

That 'keys' Arjan held up, led me to seek in the silence of my hotel room and brought me on my knees in order to find the hidden rooms and open it. Wonderful if you are looking for it then it goes in a natural way. You actually have nothing to do but only open your heart. When I did, when I opened that room, I broke immediately because I saw my years of deep grief, resentment and thickened anger against God. It lay there 'openly', 'naked' and 'revealed'. Then and there I won't otherwise then confess that to Him.

Immediately after confessing, flowed forgiveness, love and peace into an unstoppable power. It was cleaned and gave great relief. This proved to be the reason I could not testify that evening for 1,000 people who Jesus was for me. This was between Him and me. Did I know this? Not in advance but not even aware afterwards too. I thought a lot about it in the unconscious sphere. And then more in the sense of 'What would be the eternal salvation of my son?' I longed to know that. 

My direct anger toward God was with my conversion in an incomprehensible way removed, however the Holy Spirit showed me that these sins and the room had to be cleaned up. It wasn't the fault of my son that he had fallen into the water, but I myself did not have enough attention. Deep in my heart I knew it ... afterwards maybe, but it remained in the unconscious 'hanging'. That night I slept in full peace.

The whole conference went on about Him, that glorious and mighty Jesus, Who said to me that Sunday afternoon I had to testify. An end to all inner objections that were raised by satan. That Sunday evening I quietly witness of His way with me and how He delivered me from eternal death and had given eternal life through faith. The conference was impressive, grand and glorious. I was comforted after weeks in the spiritual cold weather and further strengthens to walk on the narrow road which I still walked alone.

In the following days there another hidden room with a terrible content in my heart opened. Also of this room, I was not aware but it was even deeper. In fact I myself was to blame for the accident because I was in sinful thoughts and watched my son insufficiently. There were more clearance held.

In those days after the conference it remained in my soul but 'sing'. The melody of the closing song kept playing around in my heart. I had to know. I call around and ended up with Jacques Brunt who had ended the conference. The final song was: 'Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine'.

Now I was a few days alone at home because my wife was with my daughter to the west of the country. So I had no one who could play that song for me and I could sing it. Suddenly I remembered that I had several CDs in my car And yes .... there was that song on. I put the CD in and what happened next was awesome. As soon as the first notes of the song flooded into the living room, suddenly the love of Jesus began to flow into my heart.

         The Holy Spirit takes it from Jesus: streams of love and glory! 
                       © Kor Klaver. All Rights Reserved.
I did not know what came over me. Waves of divine love and glory were poured inside. It was that night, as it was streaming over my shoes. 'Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, O what a foretaste of glory divine, Heir of salvation, purchase by God, born in His Spirit, washed in His Blood'. I walked that night laps around the table in the living room, full of Him. Especially the phrase 'Born in His Spirit, washed in His Blood' drove me every time the worship.

I didn't slept much that night and the next morning I could barely get to work. I was like an overflowing cup and I did not know how to handle it. I've been about to call Arjan Baan for advice. Finally, I went to work and the overflowing love was pushed into the background. But once I got home in the afternoon, it started again 'flaring and ringing' and the next two days continued.

The great lesson for me was that where are still unconfessed sin present in one or another chamber of my heart, the love of Jesus cannot enter. From the perspective of the Holy Spirit: not fully fulfilled but first held clearance by confession. It is part of the cleansing and sanctification process that was going on after my conversion. Afterwards I learned that this experience has been the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

Written by Cees van Beek. When you have any questions, don't hesitate and mail. 

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